Inspiration 2021-04-23: Alan Watts

Why does Alan Watts inspire me? Alan Watts never claimed to be perfect; in fact he pointed it out, right on his nose. Yet, he is an amazing public speaker and leader in spirituality. Alan Watts is responsible for the interpretation of Buddhism, Hinduism, and Taoism in the Western world. He teaches love, manifestation, about the ego, how to be one with self, the meaning of life, to appreciate the moments, and his own spiritual truths that have set so many souls to light up the world in their own way; Including myself.

I was always a strange kid in the way of convention. I dressed like a boy and I never wore bright colors (Except one purple outfit I wore in Kindergarten that had Megara from Hercules in it; who I idolized as a child). Never really sat there and felt like I was apart of the group; no matter how included I was. I usually sat alone or with friends I made from class who were also usually outcasts or made to feel like they don't belong in some way. I could feel the loneliness they felt, it was the same I felt. I have always been extremely empathetic and it has caused me to be extremely honest and very loving. Like Alan though, I have my flaws. Flaws I accept unconditionally but work on everyday.

I grew up in a Catholic schooling. We had masses, celebrations, and prayer times. The Bible teachings never sat well with me and often provoked fear, which I knew was wrong as this was supposed to be the "good guy" the one who loves us unconditionally, yet there were conditions. I knew that what I felt was not resonating with me, it all felt wrong except the parts where we got to celebrate together. I remember myself learning about Jesus and his resurrection and thinking "They aren't supposed to know that yet". I was in Grade One, why would I think that? I even remember asking myself that right after the thought as well. I grew up thinking I was supposed to like boys and I tried but it never felt right or something would happen in a way that I was left disappointed. I quickly found by the age of 15 that I was not straight. I started feeling uneasy growing up Catholic and knowing it was wrong. I would listen to my friends talk about how wrong it was to be gay. They would suspect others of being homosexual and make fun of them and shunning them from sleep overs. I was terrified to talk about my feelings of attraction and felt many feelings for all my female friends (not sexual, just in the way that I would die for them) I wanted to tell them how much I loved them but was scared they would point me out like a witch hunt.

How could someone like me be such a sin? What was I doing that was so wrong? I was loving people. With my whole being. Yet, here I was scared of my own feelings. I got my first girlfriend in Highschool. She was wonderful and fun. We dated for 4 years and I still had to sit and ask myself, "was this relationship wrong?". I knew it wasn't, yet there are people telling me I am evil and dirty because of my love. That's when I found Alan Watts. I dove head first into his teachings and quickly started my own research into truth about religion and life in general. I started asking questions and really pondering the answer. I didn't use google or books, I used my own intellect to try and make sense of the world. After I would think of a coherent answer I would then go on the internet and do research nd would often find teachings that reflected my knowledge that I thought to had made up.

In my life, there were many strange occurrences that would happen, good ones and bad ones. I've had vivid nightmares with sleep paralysis, I've healed animals and humans, I've been able to disappear into another dimension with a friend, I've had something small with a human mouth bite my stomach. There's even more that I will go into detail sometime in a later date but to get back to Alan Watts and why all this leads to him being an inspiration to me is because he was the first voice I heard that was the same vibration of my own. I felt the demons on his shoulders and the light beaming from his soul. He had the same love I had for the world and the same distaste. He taught me there was more to life than religion and he sparked this desire in me to seek the truth.

When I am in a rutt, or a time of blankness, I like to throw on a lecture by Alan on and listen with intent. It often sends shivers through my whole body and I start to feel this self love again that seems to be hard to hold on to but it is easier everyday. When I listen to his words I find more truth in myself I didn't know even existed. I am driven to be better and to follow my dreams and find my purpose. He reminds me that I am not making stuff up, I am living a truth of my own reality of perceptions.

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